Obituary of Jean S. Coxe
Jean S. Coxe (Schlueter)
Rochester: Passed away on January 6, 2020 at age 90. She was predeceased by her husband, Bruce A. Coxe; identical twin sister, Joan S. Wegman. She is survived by her daughters, Patricia J. Tischler, Kathleen (Thomas) D’Ambra; grandchildren, Melissa, Phillip & Edward Tischler; brother, William E. Schlueter; nieces, nephews and friends.
The Life of Jean Schlueter Coxe
Born August 14, 1929, an identical twin to her sister Joan. Her mother, Grandma Schlueter, often spoke how she only weighed two pounds at birth and she faced the fight of her life right then and there. There were no intensive care units then--much less for babies. Grandma believed it was through intercessory prayer to St. Theresa--The Little Flower--that she survived. The priest had a relic of St. Theresa’s--and placed it on her little body. She began to thrive after that.
Little did they know then, but they would be part of a generation that faced continuous deprivation from the Great Depression. Her father always worked, but the family still accounted for every penny spent. Grandma dressed the girls alike, and in the best clothes she could find on sale, or accepted gifts from family and friends. My mother spoke of the time she and Aunt Joan wanted Shirley Temple dolls--the “Cabbage Patch Kids” of the Depression. They wanted one so badly--all their girlfriends would be getting one. Well, that Christmas, there was a nice doll for her, but it wasn’t Shirley. That broke a young girl’s heart.
Another sacrifice the family made was to insure a good Catholic education. Mom attended St. Monica’s and St. Augustine’s. They wanted very badly to attend Mercy High School, but societal norms at the time said that because a family member was a teaching nun there, it might be a conflict of interest. So the twins went to Nazareth. Finally, after enough tears and arguments, her parents relented and allowed the girls to attend Mercy. They were so happy there. Mom went to several reunions for as long as she was able.
Being a twin, and attractive teenagers, the twins were often singled out for special events and such. One memory she shared was being able to christen a ship at the Odenbach shipyard in Greece, NY. The site has been razed, but was at the end of Dewey Avenue near where the Water Authority is now.
As teenagers, they also had to live through the rationing and rules of World War II. Having to use leg makeup because you couldn’t buy nylon stockings. Black shades on the windows at night. Her mother crafting what she could to make meals for their family of five; saving ingredients for special occasions like birthdays so a cake could be made. The Catholic church had dietary rules then. Fridays were for fasting and abstinence, which meant “meatless meals”. Her father proudly brought home trout and other fish he caught, but Jean lost her appetite for fish and was really glad when the church made changes to that rule! She and Joan helped out at the local USO Canteens, and I’m sure dancing with attractive young men was not too hard to take. She remembered being downtown during one of the harsh winters of the war, and seeing the German POW’s shoveling snow, and looking back at the “fraulines”. However, she and her sister were able to participate in the wild celebrations of V-J Day on August 15th of 1945. One day after their 16th birthdays!! Most of the month of August were happy days after Japan surrendered, and real peace was finally at hand.
Like most young women then, Mom went to work after graduating in 1947. I remember her talking about Graflex and Case-Hoyt.She also worked in one of the labs at Strong Memorial Hospital. She was usually a switchboard operator. Her twin, Joan, was married several years before she herself was married. Mom just lived at home and went to work.
As young children, the twins often visited the farm of their Beecher grandparents, on Bennetts Corners Road in Clarendon. Their cousin, Rose Marie, often stayed with her grandparents here for extended periods of time. When the twins would have days off from school, they would take “the long bumpy ride” to the farm, and go to school with Rose Marie. This was when Mom first met Dad, Bruce Coxe. He was the youngest son of Edward Coxe, who owned and operated the Hotel Holley. Bruce stayed in touch with mom after his family sold the hotel in 1945 and moved to Lima. He finished his high school years there, and then entered the Navy. He served from 1947 to 1953 on the USS TURNER.
He would often hitch-hike home from Boston when home on leave--imagine trying to do that nowadays!! After mom got her own car, she would drive to Boston to meet dad when on shore leave. When dad left the service, they got married on November 21, 1953. They began life together in a little apartment in Lima.
In 1956, Mom got pregnant with me, and the apartment would be no longer suitable. My grandmother, mom’s mother, was in real estate at the time, and came across a little pink house in Henrietta that the young couple could afford. The mortgage was like $75/month, and it stretched them to the limit--hard to believe nowadays. This was the beginning of “Suburban Heights”, prefab houses being built, often in a day, for the huge demand from GI’s and others. The house was pink on the outside, and had a pink bathroom. My father was teased unmercifully by his volunteer firefighter friends--got the name “Pinkie Chief”. I just recently read that the 1950’s pink was called “Mamie’s pink” for it was the favorite color of the popular First Lady, Mamie Eisenhower. While my dad was very involved in the fire company, working up the ranks to Chief, and eventually one of the first fire commissioners, I just recently found out that Mom was one of five women who were accepted into the fire company in the 1950’s. They were trained to answer and run the base station radio, and drive the trucks to the scene, as they were very short on daytime volunteers. After only a year or so, that situation was resolved, and Mom continued as a member of the ladies auxiliary. My sister, Patricia, joined the family in 1958--during one of our legendary February snowstorms.
After a couple of years, and with both of us in school, Mom fell in love with a new ranch house that had been built on Castle Road. Believe it or not, it was also pink. Seems that within a couple of short years, that house was painted green. That was our home for about 12 years. In 1974, just after I graduated from Sperry, we headed south to Longwood, Florida, where my dad, and hundreds of families from Stromberg-Carlson were transferred to their Lake Mary plant.
This move was a major step for the entire family. My sister had two more years left of high school, and I was starting college in another state over 850 miles away. My mother had worked herself up to assistant branch manager at First Federal Savings and Loan, at their Jefferson Road branch. My dad was heavily involved in town politics, and the fire company. He had just served on the original commission for the fire district, and was handily re-elected for a 2nd term. None of their friends could believe the Coxe’s would leave Henrietta. However--the handwriting was on the wall. It was either take this move, or lose your job. There really was only one choice.
Mom seemed to take the transfer in stride. So many were moved, it was an instant pool of friends to lean on. She took up golf and really enjoyed it. My dad--ever the one to be “involved” took up with the Chamber of Commerce, and held several positions with them. He joined the local VFW and worked up to Commander. There were always events and parties to go to. It was when Disney World was being built, and we got to go lots of times before it got so expensive you have to take out loans to take your family there. Mom continued in banking to bring in money, especially for college. She was assistant manager at one of the Sun Bank branches. I enjoyed my one year at Murray State University, but came back to Rochester to be married to my sweetheart, Dave Barber. Pat got her BSN in nursing from the University of Florida, and now is in nursing management at a NYC hospital. She was married in the mid ‘80’s, and had three children, that delighted Mom and Dad. Visits were only once or twice a year, but Mom and Dad tried to see the grandkids as often as possible.
Life continued quite well for the folks in Florida--for the better part of twenty years. Sadly, in March of 1986, Mom lost her beloved twin, Joan, to a choking episode while a patient at Monroe Community Hospital. She had been disabled a couple of years prior due to brain injury from Herpes Meningitis. It was so hard on both families--losing one was like losing a piece of the other. In 1994, My husband, Dave, was diagnosed with Leiomyosarcoma. On Valentine’s Day in 1997 two things happened. I found out the cancer had gone to the lungs, and the folks called announcing they were moving back to Rochester. This was definitely a God thing. As much as they were depending on me to help them in old age; I needed them too, to get through the final days with Dave. Mom and Dad moved to the Georgetown complex in Greece, and Dave passed November 7, 1997.
All during her married life, my mom and dad would often host Grandma Schlueter, when she had weekends and summers off from her job as a house parent at the NYS School for the Blind, in Batavia. Grandma had been separated from her husband, but never divorced. But she did not earn enough to support another household. She was happy that she could at least afford a car to drive. Grandma went through several trying eye surgeries, and then back troubles. Many a time we had to call the ambulance for Grandma because she would be in such pain she could not move off her bed. I shared my bedroom with her when she did stay with us. It sometimes made for tensions, but overall, it’s good to know you can count on family when things are rough. Grandma and her sister, mom’s aunt Mildred, came to stay in Florida after my great-uncle passed. They would travel between Rochester and Florida for several years. Grandma passed, and after that my mom’s aunt stayed with them pretty much full time. When her health started to really decline, she moved back to stay with my uncle and his family--retired from the Air Force. She lived to be 94 years old.
After this, the folks were able to travel a little bit, and took a once in a lifetime trip to Ireland with friends. Dad and Mom took several domestic trips when Dad had reunions with his Navy buddies, or the VFW had major conventions. By then, Dad had also retired, and they downsized to a double-wide home in a nice retirement village.
So things were relatively quiet when they moved back here in 1997. Dad took up with some old friends from Henrietta Fire Company, but mom pretty much stuck to home. We took a nice bus trip together in the early fall of 1998 I think; it was a bunch of seniors from Georgetown, going to Cape Cod, and the mansions in Newport, Rhode Island, and the new Mohican Sun casino in Connecticut. We both enjoyed the trip very much. Sadly--that was the only trip we made.
I started dating a man I met at the FASNY legislative conference in November of 1999. His name is Tom D’Ambra, and he was a member of the Protectives in Rochester. We hit it off right away; many of the people I knew, knew him, and vice-versa. All said Tom was a good guy. We got engaged in May of 2000 and set the date for July 1, 2000. Dad escorted me down the aisle--he would have it no other way. We had our reception at the Newport House on Irondequoit Bay. To our horror--after my dance with him, Dad sat down at his table and almost immediately passed out. We had every firefighter, EMT and Para-medic at our reception---they all did what they could--but Dad left us that day.
Mom was about as stoic about losing Dad as a person could be. We know it hurt--her purpose in life--providing a home for Dad--was gone. Her arthritic conditions got worse and worse. She had spinal stenosis--but when she went to an orthopedic doctor, he told her her knees and hips were so bad, they needed replacement before they attempted her back. So over the next ten years or so, she had one knee, and both hips replaced. By then, mom was into her ‘80’s, with congestive heart failure, and just didn’t have the strength to endure another surgery.
Tom and I took care of her. We moved around a little bit, and she moved to various independent living facilities to be near us. When it got to the point mom could no longer do her shopping, or do her housework, she moved to assisted living at Hilton East. She was about six years there-beloved by the aides as mom was always nice to everyone, and didn’t complain. The aides all said that was so refreshing. It was during this time that her Dr diagnosed her with Parkinson’s. That was a real surprise for everyone. But then, mom suffered a fall that we think was from a stroke. After a few months, and getting to the point she could not walk more than a couple of feet with her walker, the decision was made to transfer her to skilled nursing. St. Anns was the only facility to answer our request, and she moved there in August of 2018.
It was so hard to watch the Parkinson’s take away her mobility inch by inch. Mom never complained--the aides at St. Ann’s loved her too because she was so nice with everyone. Mom never demanded--she would ask. Her hearing had been gone for several years, but she was content to read books, work some word puzzles, and talk with family on the phone. She read her prayers every day.
Mom will be interred next to Dad, twenty years after he left us, in West Bloomfield Rural Cemetery. She will join my Grandmother and Grandfather Coxe, my uncle Ross Coxe, and dad. May they all rest in peace in the arms of Our Lord.
DUE TO THE CURRENT COMMUNITY HEALTH CONCERNS, the memorial mass schedueld for April 4th has been posponed, please check back for updated information.
In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made to The FASNY Firemen’s Home, 125 Harry Howard Ave, Hudson, NY 12534. Donate Online or to the American Parkinson Disease Association, 135 Parkinson Avenue, Staten Island, NY 10305 Donate Online
